Submission - Guzman

We have another submission this week from our friend A. Guzman. He’s a firefighter/paramedic and has done some work for us recently that was very beneficial. He’s written something that feels very personal and has a great rhythm to it. He’s a poet! Please take some time to read what he has to say and as always, if you want to submit you can email tcole@firefightersupport.net with the subject “Blog”. I will post for you with your name or completely anonymous. It’s totally up to you!

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“This isn’t where I saw myself 10 years ago”

This is the joke I make when I’m stuck in traffic; when I’m in a store and the check out line scanner breaks; when my cheeseburger has pickles on it after I confirm the receipt says “NO Pickles”

I’ll say
“This isn’t where I saw myself 10 years ago”

The joke works every time....
Sometimes I say it loud enough for someone around me to hear it and laugh, they realizes this is probably not where they saw themselves either.

But it’s true...
I wanted to join the military.
I wanted to be a pastor.
I wanted to be “cool”
I wanted to be “happy”.

Life didn’t go like I planed... no one’s does.

I didn’t get married planing to be divorced and 20,000 in debt, I didn’t think when I was 23 “I want to be 33 and still have terrible handwriting (it’s illegible even to me! And I wrote it!). I didn’t plan to be a firefighter.

An old proverb says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Disappointment is “hope deferred”
Plans that play out not in the way we wanted.

No one gets in to the Fire Service to be the person that “needs” help.

We all thought “I’m going to help”, not “I NEED help”

But at one point big or small, we are all in need...

Maybe it’s just a flat tire on the way in while there’s an mvc and now you are left out, unable to help.
And you decided to call out instead of being the one needing a ride to the station cause you blew out your tires hitting a 2 x4 that someone left on the road....

Or maybe it’s a family member with cancer that’s not getting better and you’re sleeping in again feels better then going to the doctors appointment to hear what you know; they’re not better, and won’t be.

Or maybe it’s just wanting a few minutes alone, between shifts going to your second job and picking up kids, all you want to do is just think clearly for a second.
And you know “the drink” never asks you stupid questions...

No one woke up planing to call you cause their child is choking.
No one was ready to watch you cut their car up to get them out of it.
No wanted to spend Christmas Day watching everything in there life be burned up cause water pressure issues kept you from getting water on the fire... for an hour.

And still
We look at our lives, our uniforms, our flashing lights - we are the problems solvers - WE are not the one with the problems....

So what do we do when we are the ones that need help?

Where do I go when I Feel alone
When I’m hurting
When I am so angry I’m dizzy
When I feel confused
When I just “feel like I’m literally going crazy”

Worse when I’m “Feeling” so lost... all I can say is
“This Isn’t where I saw myself?!?”
last year, last week, yesterday

When you feel lost, disoriented, and feel like I’m running out of air.
When you wonder

The question becomes,
“How do I call a “MAYDAY” for my life?”

WELL

Just like I would say to anyone calling any MAYDAY.


We here for you!
You’re not alone!
We are here!
We got you!
You are not alone!
We’re coming for you!
Hold on!

There is no bigger lie than you are alone in this....

This isn’t where you saw yourself... nope.

But you’re not alone.

Just call out.

We are here.

TNFFSN


A. Guzman FF/Medic