TNFFSN

I wasn’t sure how to use the Blog section of the website. I put it in with the idea that people would be able to submit anonymously and have their thoughts published to a space where they could go an view them. That way if they couldn’t make a meeting or felt like they couldn’t reach out to someone in person, they could at least get their thoughts out in to the universe. Sometimes just putting your thoughts out there can help. I’ve been having some troubles trying to start the 501(c)(3) and grow the network and I’ve been seeking advice from my friends on what they, as firefighters, would want to see. I got some good advice and I’m going to try one of those suggestions here.

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I realized I had to write something in the blog. That I had to go first. Just like in the meetings, I will have to speak first and talk about my own struggles to help ease the tension we all feel in group settings, especially when talking about ourselves. So I wrote the post below. I encourage anyone who reads this to think about something they’d like to say. It doesn’t have to be about firefighting. I just want everyone to say something to someone. Our ability to be open with another person connects us all in meaningful ways. Call your mom, go eat with a friend, talk shop at the kitchen table. It doesn’t matter.

If you’d like to post something here, you are welcome to do so. Email me at tcole@firefightersupport.net with the subject “Blog” and I’ll be happy to post your piece for you. If you wish to remain anonymous, I’ll be sure to leave your name out of it.  

I’ve spent some time in the service to others. I’ve neglected major events in my life, and in the lives of those around me to appease something. Something that feels like it is deep inside of me. It feels like a machine constantly running at full speed and if I take a break or slow down it begins to darken, like a building losing power. It gives me grief and unfulfillment. I feel like I’m letting others down. But when I’m in it, in the shit, I feel great; firing on all cylinders.

I might call it a drive. A drive to do what’s right, or more basic, what pleases me. Some may say it’s a passion. That we need passions to help drive our lives. I think it’s my purpose. Not in a religious, metaphorical way. I’d simply describe it as “it’s what has to be done, and someone has to do it,” that if we put good out we get good in.

We all must feel this sense of purpose somewhere in our lives, and most likely we all feel it in our line of work. “It’s what has to be done, and someone has to do it”. To provide that feeling to myself, and keep my machine running, is one of the greatest feelings I can have. In a way, it’s a terrible thing. I rarely feel better than after something awful, but something awful that I got to affect. No matter the outcome, usually, I can sleep easier knowing that I had the opportunity to at least try and help. I like winning though, so of course I feel even better if the results are positive.

I do not mean to come off as if I have a super hero complex. I don’t. I just like to talk about things that are important to me. And I’d argue that what defines me the most is my purpose. So if you are looking around for someone to send, Send Me.